Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
