So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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