Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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