After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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