I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
