Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
