I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
