Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I cannot find my penis.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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