I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
