i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
two words: eviction party
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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