Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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