I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
