I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
