She is in my trunk
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
