I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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