You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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