hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
