96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
