I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
