she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
