I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Farmville is her only friend.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
