I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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