So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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