I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
