the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
