I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
