We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
