Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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