Well apparently he's into motor boating.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
