Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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