Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
