why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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