he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
