One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
