We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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