mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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