dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
