No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
