i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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