My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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