Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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