If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
