i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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