just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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