I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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