No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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