a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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