Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
