Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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