dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
