1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
