I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
