you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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