wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
