Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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