Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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