First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
