Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
