Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
