so that wasnt chicken after all
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
