The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize