I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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