she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
