JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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