Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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