So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Someone signed my nipple.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
