We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
