next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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