I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
