I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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