I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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